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Hollande, 57, who calls himself the "ordinary guy", is MP for Corrèze in south central France and was Socialist party leader until 2008. He has undergone something of a metamorphosis, shedding 15kg and changing from dull portly joker to streamlined, perma-tanned man of ambition who drinks diet coke and rides a moped.
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He looks absolutely horrendous on it, as well; like deliberately distressed sham antique luggage ("Not wanted on voyage"). Before he was round and smooth and condom-like, a bit like Cameron, these days he's a dire warning of the risks of crash dieting. Give it a couple of years and you won't be able to tell him and Donatella Versace apart.
Apparently back in his ENA days he was the cool kid. I think this says more about the ENA than it does about him.
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Behind Hollande in the polls is Martine Aubry, 60, the mayor of Lille. The most recent leader of the party and architect of France's 35-hour week, she has been portrayed as an "Angela Merkel of the left", running a broad campaign on social rights emphasising housing, health and education.
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Whatever. She's not even the front runner in her own race. She could never hold things together for five years.
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Ségolène Royal, the failed candidate in the last presidential election, Hollande's former partner and mother of his four children, had been predicted to take third place. But she is facing competition from the young outsider Arnaud Montebourg, a lawyer and MP in eastern France whose agenda focuses on anti-globalisation and cracking down on speculation by banks.
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Quite like Montebourg. He's a solid parliamentary type.
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Another outsider, Manuel Valls, an MP and mayor in the Paris suburbs, is considered to be on the right of the party and has pushed a hard line on spending cuts to tackle France's public deficit.
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Wouldn't know him if he fell into my soup, but he sounds like he's not entirely disconnected from reality.