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Old 28-09-10, 09:46 AM
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Default Dominic Lawson: Society really is to blame

Dominic Lawson: Society really is to blame - Dominic Lawson, Commentators - The Independent

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It was a crime of quite startling malevolence that Neil Weiner perpetrated against his colleague Eddie Thompson. Weiner was the handyman at the same school, Swanley Secondary in east London, where Thompson was employed as caretaker. He had conceived a deep dislike of his colleague and decided to ruin him by framing him as a user of child pornography.

Weiner achieved his aim by discovering Thompson's computer password, and then copying 177 indecent images of children – acquired for this purpose – on to Thompson's laptop. Next, he called the police under the false name of "Steve" and told them that the local school caretaker had been downloading child pornography. After the police had arrested Thompson and released him on bail, Weiner tipped off the local newspaper.

The result of that, you can imagine. Thompson was immediately ostracised – and even spat at – by neighbours, forcing him to move out of his own home: this, before he was even charged or brought to trial. Mercifully, he never was. Eventually the police, by skilful detection involving analysis of computer and phone records, discovered what had really happened. In August – fully four years after the initial offence – Weiner was found guilty of perverting the course of justice and of downloading indecent images of children.

Last week, Weiner returned to the Old Bailey for sentencing. Judge David Paget sentenced him to 12 years in prison; but what he went on to say was quite remarkable. Paget told Weiner: "You will go to prison for a long time. The prison population is not renowned for being particularly fair or reasonable. You will be suspected by many of being a paedophile and, like Mr Thompson, you may find that you suffer, both in prison and release, for the rest of your life."

This seems to be not so much a judicial sentence as an extrajudicial one. Judge Paget appeared almost to be revelling in the brutal treatment that Weiner might indeed receive in prison from other inmates believing him to be the perpetrator of sexual crimes against children – and that this would somehow form part of his proper punishment.

Anyone who works in prisons will know that there is a peculiar hierarchy among inmates. As Emily Kingham observed in her Notes From A Prison series for the Social Affairs Unit: "At the top of [the hierarchy] are armed robbers. In prisoners' eyes, these are Robin-Hood characters ... It's a warped kind of morality. At the bottom of the pile are sex offenders ... Prison reflects society's revulsion with paedophilia, but also its hysteria."

One prison psychiatrist put it to me slightly differently: "Everyone has a need to feel morally superior to someone else, no matter what they themselves have done. The so-called 'nonces' provide this sense of self-esteem for other prisoners, when in reality they may have committed crimes of much greater brutality and cruelty, whose wickedness they never acknowledge."

In other words, Judge Paget was contributing, quite gratuitously, to this "warped kind of morality", as described by Emily Kingham – or delusional self-esteem on the part of very violent criminals, as my psychiatrist friend would see it. One might even say that he was giving the state's moral sanction to the terrorising of "nonces" by other prisoners who get quite a thrill from, for example, throwing boiling water over them.

This is not a defence of what those most despised of convicts have done themselves. As a father of two girls I have, I hope, a normal degree of empathy with the victims of such crimes. Yet there is little doubt that the pseudonymous Ms Kingham is right when she speaks of "hysteria" in the country's general reaction to stories involving accusations of paedophilia.

Two years ago I wrote in this column about the travails of a mother who asked her local branch of Asda to transfer a photographic print of her son as a five-year-old on to a cake for his 21st-birthday party. Asda's bakery department recoiled in horror at Gail Jordan's request, because the 16-year-old photo revealed the naked bottom of her son as an infant. The supermarket declared – when Ms Jordan expressed her astonishment – that the photo "could be anyone's child, so it could be deemed pornographic".

More seriously, last year the Labour government drew up proposals to make punishable by imprisonment the possession of indecent images of imaginary children – in other words, not real children, but drawings or computer-simulated images. Obviously, in the case of images of real children being abused there is a sense in which the distributor is involved in the commissioning of acts of terrible cruelty. Yet this legislation set out by Labour's last Justice Minister, Angela Eagle, was nothing less than a proposal to make disgusting thoughts illegal; so terrified are all politicians of appearing to condone paedophilia that not a single MP dared speak out against Ms Eagle's plan to make the possession of indecent sketches of imaginary children punishable by three years' imprisonment – followed, doubtless, by the sort of treatment at the hands of other prisoners that inspired Judge Paget's recent peroration.

The most interesting question is why, as a nation, we have become so disproportionately obsessed with paedophilia – illustrated in its most bureaucratic form with the vetting of millions of would-be volunteers and teachers via the Criminal Records Bureau. The answer, I fear, is that it is all a form of displacement activity designed to avoid facing up to the real cause of so much abuse of children, abuse that goes on across the nation, every day. That cause is the breakdown of what we used to call "family life" and the growth of profoundly dysfunctional homes (usually state-funded) in which there are a succession of so-called "stepfathers".

Iain Duncan Smith put his finger on this, at the time of the trial of the mother and the killer of "Baby P" in Haringey. The man now charged with sorting out the welfare state observed: "The growth in broken families has been mirrored by the huge increase in the number of children considered to be 'at risk' – 1.5 million now fall into this category. Children living with their natural mother and a guesting father are eight times more likely to be on the at-risk register."

If anything, this understates the correlation of risk. Academic research by Professors Martin Daly and Margo Wilson into deadly assaults on children under five produced the following conclusion: "Homicide risk from stepfathers was approximately 60 times higher than from genetic fathers for this age group, replicating the immense differential found in prior analysis."

It is most odd – considering how much the wicked step-parent has featured in children's literature down the ages – that this correlation is so rarely remarked upon. It is almost as if this is a truth which is too unpleasant to confront, because it strikes at the heart of all our now conventional ideas about the joys of sexual freedom, and how that has made society so much happier and more contented.

Indeed, I wonder about the home lives of the sort of prisoners who inflict the attacks on "paedos" that Judge Paget appeared to promise Neil Weiner. How many of them are active participants in this culture of social and sexual chaos financed and even encouraged by a studiously non-judgmental welfare state and by what we used to call "the permissive society"? In short, the hated "paedos" were given all the conditions they need by the same form of society that produces so many of their self-righteous assailants.
Ah... The 40s, that golden, Enid Blyton age of sweetness and light, when women's sinful natural urge to stray from their drunken, child-abusing husbands was curbed by the knowledge that he had the legal right to bash her on the head with a bottle of Newcastle Stout and then put her to work sewing ARP uniforms in the garden shed. Or something.

Actually, I agree with the first part (as I've already said elsewhere), I'm just not convinced that banning divorce would do anything to help. Fact is there were just as mny paedophiles in the 40s, but no one talked about it.
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Old 28-09-10, 11:31 AM
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I actually agree with the whole article. It is clear from the data that step-fathers are far more dangerous to children. The correlation is undeniable.

Where I part ways is with the causation. The 60s sexual revolution and "sexual freedoms" or "permissive society" did not cause a meaningful breakdown of family units. It might have played a part but it pales compared to the role of the Reaganomics/Thatcherite-driven unemployment. Unemployment destroys families far more efficiently than pre-marital sex...

As to a "golden age", some friends and I were copying The Daily Show's search for a golden decade for the US (US/UK). Today's obviously sucks on all levels. So when was it good, when was that Golden Age (TM) promised to conservative people the world over? The 40s? It was alright if you were in America proper but, if you were overseas, fighting a world war, it probably sucked. The 50s? RocknRoll, Elvis, majijuana and, on top, the civil right mvt started. It sucked. The 60s? Forget about it. Sexual liberation and a liberal fantasy land. Plus the Vietnam war. The 70s. Oil shocks, unemployment rises fast. Fuck that. 80s? Stagflation. Need I say more? 90s? Well, if we except that Bill Clinton was elected, that the LTCM crisis, the Mexican crisis and the Asian crisis were creating ripples throughout the system, the second half ain't too bad... untill the dot.com crash, of course.

So in essence, my friends and I figured that the Golden Decade for the US was 1999...
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Old 28-09-10, 03:26 PM
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I actually agree with the whole article. It is clear from the data that step-fathers are far more dangerous to children. The correlation is undeniable.
If we're talking murders, sure, but Lawson conflates that with paedophilia in general, for which we haven't got any meaningful stats.

On balance I'm still willing to sacrifice a few kids for the right to get divorced and tell the cops that the vicar thinks it's okay to touch little boys as long as he buys them an icecream afterwards.
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Old 28-09-10, 03:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Zichao View Post
If we're talking murders, sure, but Lawson conflates that with paedophilia in general, for which we haven't got any meaningful stats.
Center for Marriage and Families Blog Archive Protectors or Perpetrators? Fathers, Mothers, and Child Abuse and Neglect

So, ok, it's from a website called American Values Center, which is bound to be a total Conservative zoo. OTOH, they do quote federal and university studies. And they willingly point out that women are statistically more likely to be neglecting their child...

The truth is that murder is just one form of "abuse", like sexual assaults and there is no reason to believe they are not highly correlated.

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On balance I'm still willing to sacrifice a few kids for the right to get divorced...
The two are not related. The link I give clearly indicated that abuse is just a symptom for everything else going wrong.

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... and tell the cops that the vicar thinks it's okay to touch little boys as long as he buys them an icecream afterwards.
huh? I didn't follow that...
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Old 28-09-10, 04:23 PM
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Center for Marriage and Families Blog Archive Protectors or Perpetrators? Fathers, Mothers, and Child Abuse and Neglect

So, ok, it's from a website called American Values Center, which is bound to be a total Conservative zoo. OTOH, they do quote federal and university studies. And they willingly point out that women are statistically more likely to be neglecting their child...

The truth is that murder is just one form of "abuse", like sexual assaults and there is no reason to believe they are not highly correlated.
But that doesn't give us a comparison between now and the good old days of family values, and even if it did it would be meaningless because a) the definitions of the crimes involved have changed and b) people were far less likely to report this sort of thing to the police in those days.

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The two are not related. The link I give clearly indicated that abuse is just a symptom for everything else going wrong.
I think that people having the right and possibility to get divorced is something going right.

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huh? I didn't follow that...
Just saying that no one used to report child abuse.
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Old 28-09-10, 05:08 PM
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Originally Posted by Zichao View Post
But that doesn't give us a comparison between now and the good old days of family values, and even if it did it would be meaningless because a) the definitions of the crimes involved have changed and b) people were far less likely to report this sort of thing to the police in those days.
Yes and no. If step-fathers are more likely to abuse their step-children, it is not entirely unreasonable to suggest that a time where fathers were more common saw less abuse. But I would anyhow disagree because attitudes might have changed just as much as macro-economic circumstances making the whole thing moot.

Howerver, you can argue that, if today saw a miraculous drop in divorce rate/unstable families, there would be a similarly miraculous drop in abuse rate.

Anywhich way, it doesn't matter - Just as we cannot collect social statistics on past unreported phenomenoms, we can't change the zeigeist. But, as I point out, it doesn't matter since the causation established by the article is wrong.

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I think that people having the right and possibility to get divorced is something going right.
It definitely is.

Again, the AVC paper I linked makes it pretty darn obvious what the problem is... and it isn't the greater possibility of divorce...

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Just saying that no one used to report child abuse.
See above. I agree
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Old 28-09-10, 05:48 PM
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Yes and no. If step-fathers are more likely to abuse their step-children, it is not entirely unreasonable to suggest that a time where fathers were more common saw less abuse. But I would anyhow disagree because attitudes might have changed just as much as macro-economic circumstances making the whole thing moot.

Howerver, you can argue that, if today saw a miraculous drop in divorce rate/unstable families, there would be a similarly miraculous drop in abuse rate.
But that's not the only factor. The same attitudes that prevent divorce also tend to make it acceptable for you to beat up your kids, and then there's the frustration of being stuck in a marriage that you loathe...

Quote:
Anywhich way, it doesn't matter - Just as we cannot collect social statistics on past unreported phenomenoms, we can't change the zeigeist. But, as I point out, it doesn't matter since the causation established by the article is wrong.


It definitely is.

Again, the AVC paper I linked makes it pretty darn obvious what the problem is... and it isn't the greater possibility of divorce...
So poverty causes child abuse. But then being comfortably off causes divorce, which also causes child abuse...
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Old 28-09-10, 06:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Zichao View Post
So poverty causes child abuse.
Basically.

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But then being comfortably off causes divorce...
Huh? Where? I think you'll find that it's not for nothing that single mothers are significantly more at risk to be poor than otherwise.

It's all different ways to describe the same thing i.e. what happened to the lower classes after Reagan/Thatcher.

If the lower classes' divorce rate is indeed lower than or comparable to that of the middle-class (and above) (I actually don't know the answer to that one), it would be because lower class people no longer get married in the first place...
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Old 28-09-10, 06:52 PM
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I wasn't suggesting that divorce rates increase with income. In fact I'd say that these days most people in the UK are rich enough to afford a divorce should they want one, so above a certain point it's no longer a factor. Prior to the existence of the welfare state I suspect that it would have been equal of equal importance to social conformity for poor and even middle class families (I remember reading an Edwardian novel where one of the characters remarks that poverty holds together more homes than it breaks up, though this isn't concrete data or anything). The fact that divorce rates are higher when the female half of the couple has an independent income would seem to confirm this.

If I wanted to reduce the divorce rate I'd abolish state benefits.
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Old 28-09-10, 10:19 PM
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Default The children who have two homes

The children who have two homes - Features, Health & Families - The Independent

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It is Friday afternoon and Ned and Nancy Flaherty are being picked up from school by their mother, Kathleen. They look much like any other family. Nancy, 11, is chatting about swimming and Ned, 13, is complaining about homework. But this is the first time the kids have seen their mum since last weekend.

After their parents split up eight years ago, Ned and Nancy divide their time equally between them. They spend Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights with mum, weekdays are spent a mile away with their dad, Adrian, a 38-year-old teacher. Holidays are split down the middle and everyone gets together for birthdays. They have two homes, two bedrooms, two games consoles and two toothbrushes. Their cats Sooty and Abigail move between houses with them.

Kathleen Saxton, 37, who lives in Kent and runs a headhunting company, says: “When Adrian and I broke up we were determined to make it as easy for the children as possible. It was really important for us to both be involved in their lives, so we focused on putting the children first. It is amazing what emotional pain can be put aside. It’s worked well and the kids love having both of us as a big part of their lives.”

Kathleen and Adrian managed to see through the acrimony and bitterness that can characterise a break-up. Twenty years ago it was unthinkable that following a relationship breakdown, children would live anywhere other than with the mother. Typically, visits from dad would happen twice weekly and there was little room for manoeuvre, but these days residency – it is no longer called custody – is more fluid. Women’s increased economic clout and the recognition of fathers’ rights led to a change in society’s – and the judiciary’s – attitudes.

Conrad Webbe, from support group The Association of Shared Parenting, says: “Shared parenting is not necessarily about two homes. It’s about supporting the idea that a child has a right to contact with both parents after separation or divorce. To cut a child off from a parent alienates them from their grandparents and half their heritage. For a child to be a balanced adult they need a father and mother.”

Ned and Nancy agree. They could not conceive a life in which either parent did not play a full and varied role. Ned says: “I’m glad we don’t live with just one parent because it would give you a feeling that there is another part of you that isn’t in your life. I feel very lucky to have two houses and two parents.”

Nancy says: “I’m happy because I get to see both mummy and daddy and if I didn’t I would be homesick for them. It is fun having two bedrooms because you can have a different style in each room.”

One in three couples – about 250,000 adults – divorce or separate every year and 350,000 children are affected. A study by the law firm Mishcon de Reya found that a third of children whose parents had broken up over the last 20 years had sought solace in drugs, while 10 per cent felt suicidal or became involved in crime. More than a third of children lose touch with a parent after separation.

Conrad Webbe says: “Our experience shows that when parental issues are put to one side, a shared parenting arrangement works well and dramatically reduces the short- and long-term potentially damaging effects on the children of family breakdown. It means they continue to have a real family life with both parents, which makes them feel more loved. It creates equity between the parents.”

Shared parenting is popular in Europe, Australia and parts of America. Britain is lagging behind, although there are celebrity advocates. Blur guitarist Graham Coxon told a newspaper last year that he shares the parenting of his daughter with his ex-girlfriend. He says: “My nine-year-old daughter, Pepper, stays with me on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, so it’s an early start on those days ? she lives with her mum the rest of the week, but I drive her to school on a Monday.”

Shared parenting sounds like the most child-friendly solution to the damage caused by family breakdown. Why isn’t it enshrined in law and why don’t more people do it?

Karen Woodall, of the advice group the Centre for Separated Families, believes Britain holds deep-seated social and cultural beliefs that men are the providers and women the carers. Until we can shake off these stereotypes, shared parenting will never be fully embraced. She says: “Part of the problem is that we’re still clinging to the idea that a child without its mother is going to be damaged. We need to move beyond that. After separation children do best if both parents are involved. Many mothers who share parenting say they feel they’re being judged for failing their children.” There is no official data on shared parenting but it is estimated that 500,000 households do it.

The Children and Family Court Advisory Support Service (Cafcass) – a government body that helps children in family proceedings – supports shared parenting (indeed, it is almost impossible to find a dissenting voice among those involved in family policy). Chief executive Anthony Douglas says that nowadays mothers and fathers have equal residency rights. He says: “When you take out domestic abuse and parenting capacity issues, there is no gender bias in the family justice system. This is a sea change from 30 years ago.” Fathers’ rights groups say the most important advance is not a 50/50 time split but the underlying admission of parental equality.

We may embrace the idea of shared parenting but would we have chosen, or even wanted it as children, and would we want to explain its alleged social benefits to a child who just wants to sleep in the same bed every night? And a report by a former judge found that Australian law reforms regarding shared parenting had negatively affected children from violent and abusive backgrounds.

Many women’s groups and academics believe shared parenting is not always in children’s interests. Deborah McIlveen, a spokeswoman for the domestic violence charity Women’s Aid, says: “We’re concerned that contact is sometimes ordered without a proper risk assessment or consideration of the needs and wishes of the child and we will continue to campaign and work with the Ministry of Justice and other agencies until women and children are safe.”

Around 10 per cent of family breakdowns end up in court – normally because of safety concerns or a parental power struggle. Cafcass says parents should avoid the financial and emotional drain of a legal battle and instead seek advice from support groups or through Parent Information Programmes – available through the courts or solicitors.

A written agreement – however informal – is a solid bedrock for shared parenting. It should detail cultural values, parental boundaries, rules – even bedtimes. Karen Woodall says: “Children fare well when parents set similar parameters. They don’t have to move from vastly different cultural experiences.”

Linda Blair, a psychologist and author of The Happy Child, advises: “Accept that you and your partner no longer have an emotional relationship but a business relationship. Your business is bringing up your children. If you treat it like that you are less prone to be hurt and reopen old wounds.”

Although putting aside old grudges can be tough, the results are worth it. All the research shows that children thrive when both parents play a big role in their life.
The children who have two homes - Features, Health & Families - The Independent

Quote:
A study by the law firm Mishcon de Reya found that a third of children whose parents had broken up over the last 20 years had sought solace in drugs, while 10 per cent felt suicidal or became involved in crime
Really? Wow. I'm pretty sure that those are higher rates than you'd find in a Rio favela. Looking at it from a strictly logical either modern Britons are insufferable self-indulgent pussies, or pretty much everyone in the entire world is fucked up even worse than that.

Just when you think you've got people figured out...
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