Goldman Sachs elevator gossip tweets ? inside job or wind-up? | Joris Luyendijk | Comment is free | guardian.co.uk

Quote:

#1: "If a girl doesn't respond to my texts immediately, I lose interest." #2: "I don't even have time to meet girls." #1: "People that post photos of a 1st class seat or an empty bottle of Petrus on Facebook should die." And: #1: "Getting laid off from Goldman is like being traded by the Yankees. You'll probably still make millions, but it's just not the same." Meet the Twitter account GS Elevator Gossip. Since it went live on 11 August this year it fired off 291 tweets, enough to collect a salivating 26,418 followers. If anything it's a good laugh. The profile says: "Things heard in the Goldman Sachs elevators do not stay in the Goldman Sachs elevators. Email what you hear to elevatorgoldman@gmail.com." Most tweets take the form of exchanges between #1 and #2, unless they're women, then it's Skirt #1 and Skirt #2. It's not exactly PC, witness this one: #1: "The only reason I have a home phone is so I can find my cell phone." #2: "Our maid does that." Or: Skirt #1: "It really hurts my feelings when an ugly guy hits on me." And some could be office banter anywhere: #1: "Every disaster movie has a black guy as President to save the day." #2: "And now when we get a real disaster, look what happens." Or: #1: "It's sweet how my wife thinks the silent treatment is a punishment for me." So could GS Elevator Gossip be authentic? Some tweets ring contrived, such as: #1: "I wish I invested in poverty. It's up 60% since 2001." #2: "We did." And this one, you just wonder: #1: "That $2.3billion loss decimated the UBS bonus pool." #2: "Pathetic. That's barely even our executive committee's share." But if this is done by outsiders, they know their stuff. In fact, given what people have been telling me at @JLbankingblog about Goldman and its operations, most tweets do ring true. You could even be forgiven for wondering if this is an Inside Job. Oneupmanship can be a big thing in finance: #1 (smugly): "My Mom always said I was 'one-in-a-million'." #2: "So, that means there are 7,000 people just like you." Or: #1: "Alarm at 7.00. Coffee by 7.20. At desk by 7.30." #2: "I can beat that. Shit, shower, shave is now a one-step process for me." #1: "Gross." Traders can be heard talking like this: [Trading Floor] #1: "How long before somebody dies in Zuccotti?" #2: "I'll make a market at 27-32 days. $20 a day." #1: "Yours." And: #1: "This market is tough to read." #2: "It's like seeing a normal-looking guy with some fat chick. Just makes no fucking sense." This one sounds authentic, too, given how much hazing and abuse there can be on a trading floor: MD [managing director] #1: "This anti-bullying shit is retarded. I want graduates who'll survive on the trading floor, not walking lawsuits. The shit I went thru." This recruiter told the Joris Luyendijk banking blog that these days there are two top dogs in the world of banking: Deutsche Bank (always say "Deutsche") and Goldman Sachs (always say "Goldman"). Apparently it is really difficult for banks in the second tier to poach people from there, unless they offer them a huge promotion. Imagine being a recruiter and having to lure someone away from Goldman to Morgan Stanley (seen as dull and dusty, or as reliable – depending on where you stand). #1: "We're going to dress up as Wiseguys for Halloween. Flashy suits & cheap jewelry." #2: "People will just think you work at Morgan Stanley." #1: "I sent Morgan Stanley my resume." #2: "Why?" #1: "So I could reject them again." At Goldman Sachs 10% of staff are laid off, every year, simply to keep people on edge. This could be where tweets such as this come from: #1: "A year from now, he'll be the guy that starts off every sentence with 'When I was at Goldman Sachs …'" #2: "I hate those people." Goldman's Lloyd Blankfein made world headlines by saying his bank is doing "God's work". There are echoes of that attitude amid the tweets: #1: "My MD asked her 'Aren't u glad u snagged a Goldman banker'. She said 'Actually, we've been dating since Lehman'. She was so pissed." And: #1: "If we weren't aiming for perfection, we wouldn't be Goldman Sachs." (two people nod simultaneously). Most tweets are typical of the financial industry. Or rather, of some of its excesses. There's the cocaine use, to keep going when you work 100-hour weeks: [Saturday night analyst drinks] #1: "There should be an app that makes it more fun to do coke off an iPad." Or: #1: "Pomegranate juice is the shit." #2: "You know that doesn't automatically cancel out all the bad things that you put in your body." And this is almost literally what some people have told the banking blog: #1: "The HK-LHR night flight w/ a few drinks and a Xanax is the only time I ever get 8+ hours of sleep. So yeah, I love coming to London." And if you ever wonder what the women in finance interviewed on this blog mean by casual sexist banter, here you go: #1: "Last night was a disaster. By the time I got her home, I was so trashed, it was like trying to squeeze an oyster into a slot machine. " And: #1: "My wife saw a fat wad of $5s in my wallet, and automatically accused me of being at a strip club." #2: "She should know u tip $20s." So is it authentic? We sent an email to ask how they filter out people who try to game things, and got this response: "To be honest, it comes down to discretion and common sense mostly. I have worked in the industry for long enough to be able to filter out the ridiculous. Hence, I would say that I probably ignore seven out of 10 submissions as being made up. "I'm sure fake submissions still get through, but hopefully people don't take the concept too literally. Conversations overheard in bars, trains, trading floors, etc are all fair game. I do get some feedback from people saying 'this conversation would NEVER happen in an elevator'. Those people are really missing the point. And in reference to fake submissions that do get posted, I would say that there can be more truth in fiction than from fact." And since you ask, yes, the Guardian has elevators, too

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Goldman Sachs elevator gossip tweets ? inside job or wind-up? | Joris Luyendijk | Comment is free | guardian.co.uk

Wtf? Confessing to brewer's droop is sexist? Why are so many people incapable of getting that mentioning *a woman* in your conversation isn't sexist per se. She could have been black too, does that make it racist as well.

Otherwise: "People that post photos of a 1st class seat or an empty bottle of Petrus on Facebook should die." <<<< that

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